


A Note for You, A Note for Me

by JemiCrisis



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Best Friends, Drinking, Eventual Romance, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Growing Up Together, I don’t think I portrayed it well though, I’m sorry, Jeno is deaf, Kinda inspired by Taylor Swift's "You Belong with Me", M/M, Misunderstandings, Partying, Self-Doubt, Slow Burn, deafness, those two only happen in the last chapter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-02
Updated: 2019-07-09
Packaged: 2020-06-02 20:03:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 7,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19448572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JemiCrisis/pseuds/JemiCrisis
Summary: Jeno receives notes from the boy next door.





	1. A New Neighbour

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I wrote this in 10 minutes before going to work because I know I'll forget it if I don't.

Jeno didn’t know what was happening when the two white vans pulled up to the house beside him that hot summer morning. He wanted to go outside and investigate but his parents wouldn’t let him. He looked too “underdressed” they explained to him. He didn’t understand.

Instead, he saw his parents walk to the front of the house a few hours later, his father wearing a simple button-up shirt and jeans while his mother wore a light summer dress. A couple had opened the door, a man wearing an expensive-looking business suit, and a woman wearing a glamourous dress that was equally as expensive.

The couple didn’t spare his parents a second glance before slamming the door shut on them. Jeno then observed his parents walking back to their house dejectedly.

It was evening time when he saw the window that directly faced his open up the shutters which revealed a boy of similar age to him. The boy waved at him and Jeno saw his mouth open as if to say something.

But he couldn’t hear it. Jeno was deaf. That and both of their windows were shut.

The couple he saw earlier appeared and proceeded to shut the shutters again. For a split second, he saw the boy’s face frown before the brown shutters concealed his view.

Two nights later and Jeno noticed that the shutters were open again. This time the boy had a whiteboard in his hand and a pen in the other. He scribbled down something before turning to face the whiteboard to Jeno’s direction. Jeno could just about make out the childish handwriting.

_Hello! My name is Na Jaemin! I am eight years old!_

They were eight. They had just met.


	2. A New Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merry Chrystler/Christler

Jaemin had just opened his Christmas presents. He got a new toy car, a paint set, and a bunch of play-doh. He didn’t really like the car but that was okay, he liked the play doh and paints.

He wrote on his whiteboard again to tell the boy that lived beside him. _Hey! I got a toy car, a paint set and play-doh!_ He then placed the whiteboard on the window sill with his wood shutters open, making sure that the written side was facing the other boy’s window.

He played with his play-doh for five minutes before checking the window across from him. What he saw excited him endlessly.

_Lee Jeno._

Jaemin could see the boy behind the small whiteboard, looking intently at him. Jaemin didn’t hesitate to rub out the existing writing on his whiteboard, writing more to replace it.

_Why did you not write to me before, Jeno?_ Jaemin was starting to get disappointed that Jeno would never respond to his questions. He felt that whatever friendship they had was one sided, that he was always the one to give and never to receive. He waited for Jeno to write down the answer.

_I only got this today._ What a boring Christmas present, Jaemin thought. Surely he could’ve just asked his parents for a whiteboard just like he did when his family first moved in.

_Really? What else did you get?_

_Nothing. Just this._ Jaemin didn’t believe him, he must’ve gotten something cool he doesn’t want to share.

_Could you come over? I’ll let you play with the toy car!_ He asked Jeno to come over numerous times before but he’ll get an answer this time.

_I wish I could._ Jeno quickly rubbed the writing out and wrote another line. _My parents won’t let me._ That’s a lie, his parents have come around before, and he saw them on the first day they moved in! He saw his parents say goodbye to them! Jaemin wishes he could ask why Jeno doesn’t want to come over, but he’ll leave that for another day.

_Okay then, what age are you?_ Jaemin knew that he was somewhere about the same age as himself, he just wanted to see if Jeno was his hyung or not.

_Nine. 23 rd of April 2000. _Jaemin scrawled a reply onto his whiteboard in eagerness.

_My birthday is the 13 th of August 2000, hyung!! We are the same age!!_

_That’s nice._ It really was! Jaemin was so happy to have made a friend in his neighbourhood. His friends from school lived on the other side of town, so having someone like Jeno made Jaemin’s world a little less lonely.

“Na Jaemin! Your grandparents are here! Come down and have your Christmas dinner!” Jaemin heard his mother call for him from the floor below. He didn’t want to leave Jeno, but he had to.

_I have to go now, Jeno-hyung! I will write to you again! Merry Christmas!_ Jaemin left before he could see Jeno writing his response.

_Merry Christmas Jaemin._ That was what was left for him to see after dinner. There was something else below it, it was crammed into the small whiteboard and the streetlight illuminating the road made a glare on the window pane that made it even harder to see. Jeno’s bedroom light was turned off, so he couldn’t ask him to write it out again. But it didn’t matter that much in the end.

Because they were nine, and Jaemin had the best Christmas ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this during breaks at work and, unlike what I thought, I came up with a bunch of ideas for this story. So uh, yeah. Also, these chapters are going to be short-ish? I say that as if the first chapter wasn't a mere ~300 words.


	3. Laughter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Any other school day for the two boys.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OWO machine is enabled.

Ever since that Christmas, Jeno would wake up to a good morning message left on Jaemin’s whiteboard, in big bold letters, with an animal drawing on the side. Jeno could only write a simple _Morning_ for a reply. Jeno wished he could write in big letters too, but the size of his whiteboard was too small to write anything more than two short lines before it was too minuscule to read.

But he was grateful that his parents got him the whiteboard he begged for anyway, however small. It became increasingly painful to watch as Jaemin continued to try and reach out to him, only to get no answer. He knew it hurt because Jaemin never answered his question from Christmas.

_Can’t you come over to my house?_

Jeno knew that if Jaemin had actually seen what he had written, he would’ve seen Jaemin at his doorstep in a heartbeat. He never appeared.

Jeno also knew that Jaemin’s parents wouldn’t enjoy his presence, especially if they were dismissive to his own parents, but it could be different the other way around. His parents were always keen on Jeno to make new friends. He just wondered why Jaemin hadn’t thought of that as well.

Jeno looked over to Jaemin’s window, it was 7:30 am, Jaemin had woken up at this point with very bad bed hair. Jeno couldn’t help but giggle, even if no sound could be heard. It looked funny. He could see that Jaemin was laughing too, with the biggest smile he ever saw. Did he wish to hear that laugh? Yes. Yes, he did. He wished to hear anything from Jaemin actually. He didn’t know what Jaemin’s voice sounded like.

He focused back onto Jaemin, who had stopped laughing and was writing on his board but had still retained the large smile on his face.

_Jeno-hyung! How are you today?_

_I’m happy, Jaemin._

_I know, hyung! Why were you laughing?_

_Your hair is so funny._ Jeno began to smile wider, in the two years they’ve known of each other’s existence, Jaemin always seemed a little naïve to him. He turned his board for Jaemin to see and Jaemin started laughing again. That’s what made him smile, even on a school morning.

Because they were ten, and Jeno knows Jaemin will never fail to make him smile.


	4. Learning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaemin discovers what cats mean to Jeno.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy the chapter!

Like any other day, Jaemin grabbed his whiteboard and wrote a message to Jeno. He propped it up on the window sill and set out his paint set, He hadn’t used it that much since his ninth Christmas, but during those two years he grew to love art and would draw numerous amounts of pictures. They would range from different types of animals, deer and dolphins were his favourites because they reminded him of his two friends, Donghyuck and Chenle. He wondered what animal would remind him of Jeno, he hadn’t found it yet.

He was struggling with artist’s block when he turned in his seat to check if Jeno had given him a reply, he had asked him to give ideas of what to paint.

_Cat!_ Jaemin got up to write Jeno a response.

_A cat?_

_Yes!!_ Jaemin could see Jeno’s face of excitement as he rubbed out his message, replacing it with _I own one!!_

_You do? Show me!!_ Jaemin then waited as Jeno disappeared from the visible area the window showed, it only took him a minute for him to appear again with a cat in his arms. Jeno held the creature up high for Jaemin to see.

_Her name is Bongshik!!_

_Bongshik?_

_Yes! I love her!_ Jaemin had never seen Jeno so thrilled about something before. Who knew he liked cats? But he started to worry when Jeno started sneezing.

_Hyung? What’s wrong??_ _Are you sick???_ He waited anxiously as Jeno put down his cat to reply to him, constantly sneezing.

_I’m allergic to cats._ Maybe it was because of Jeno’s sneezing that made his writing a tiny bit messy, but Jaemin swore he read that right.

_Did you just tell me that you have cat allergies? When you own a cat?_

_Yes._

_Jeno-hyung… that’s stupid._

_It’s not stupid!_ Jeno sneezed again. It was stupid, Jaemin knew it was, he wasn’t that dumb. But it’s Jeno so he’ll go along with it.

_Okay, it’s not stupid. How about I paint a picture of Bongshik for you?_

_Yes, please!_ Jeno instantly brightened up again, Jaemin felt a smile coming on but Jeno’s red eyes were what stopped him.

It only took two hours before a stunningly picture perfect watercolour painting of Bongshik was put up on Jaemin’s window. Jeno had been anticipating it, constantly looking over to Jaemin's window to check. Once Jaemin was done, it took less than a minute for him to receive a sincere thank you message.

_You're the best Na Jaemin!_

They were eleven, and Jeno’s cat obsession was weirdly cute if you asked Jaemin.


	5. Doubt

Jaemin started drawing cats on his whiteboards along with the staple good morning message. That filled Jeno with delight as he got to see a perfect rendition of Bongshik every morning, he doesn’t know how Jaemin made it look so perfect in his first try, he thinks people like that have something called photographic memory?

But it was nice to look at Bongshik without the sneezing, and the puffy red eyes that made it even harder to smile when he would be reminded of her. You see, when Jeno smiles his eyes close up, his parents call it an “eye smile” because it looks like his eyes are smiling too. These days he only smiles that hard when he communicates with Jaemin.

Na Jaemin, his neighbour, friend, and also the son of a very successful businessman. Well no, he didn’t know for sure, but he knows that the surname Na isn’t very popular in Korea. There were only a couple hundred thousand people with that surname, and Korea is the home to more than fifty million. Jeno didn’t know if that accounted for non-Korean people living in Korea but it was his best guess, he had limited time on the school library’s computer anyway.

He only started looking into things when he saw his dad read the newspaper one morning, he only saw the front of the newspaper for a second before his father put down the newspaper to smile at him. But he grew up to be extremely observant and being in your own thoughts for years on end without any way to voice them really made Jeno quite the thinker at his age. Or maybe it was just plain old child curiosity.

But the gears didn’t stop running when he read “Mr Na to invest into new businesses.” He knew Jaemin’s parents were some kind of rich but to that extent? Jeno started to feel unworthy of Jaemin’s precious time.

Because they were twelve, and Jeno didn’t know who his best friend was.


	6. Idiocy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Longer chapter than normal! Also, it's a few hours late.

Jaemin had just gotten his first phone for his birthday, he was excited to finally have a phone and play all the cool games on it. Everyone in his school had gotten phones on their birthdays, some even sooner, he wondered if Jeno already got his phone as well.

Lee Jeno, his childhood friend. That sounds a bit depressing, doesn’t it? He was still his friend, at least Jaemin thinks he is. He doesn’t really know anymore.

Jeno has been kind of aloof to Jaemin lately, and as Jaemin grew up, the last year made him feel… gloomier. Stress was a big issue, his dad owned and invested in multiple corporate businesses and as his son, he was expected to keep that up. But in reality he enjoyed expressing himself through art, that’s why he has so many paintings and drawings up on his bedroom walls. He loves art… but his parents didn’t. Many a time they had sat him down by the kitchen table, asking him what he wants to do with his life. At thirteen years old, of course he hadn’t a clue.

“We understand if managing businesses like your father is not what you want to do… but art is definitely not the right choice Jaemin, you are capable of so much more.”

He heard that line so many times.

He was sulking on his bed, thinking about his future made him depressed so he decided to ease the pain by playing games on his phone. He knows he’ll get addicted to it but it’s better than a lot of things people in his school get addicted to. He won’t say what they are though.

After half an hour he thought enough was enough and shut off his phone, he sat up in bed and the whiteboard caught his eye.

_HAPPY BIRTHDAY, NA JAEMIN~ THANK YOU FOR THE WHITEBOARD!_

So he got the whiteboard after all.

Jaemin was tired of seeing Jeno struggle to write to him, tired of having to wait three minutes for Jeno to write about two full sentences. So Jaemin secretly bought a bigger whiteboard one day while walking home from school, and placed it on Jeno’s doorstep. He also wanted Jeno to give him a full answer this time, to a question that was eating him up from inside all these years.

_You’re welcome Jeno-hyung! I want to ask you something though._

_Really? What is it?_

_Why do you never want to come to my house?_ That’s what wiped the smile off of Jeno’s face, Jaemin ignored it.

_Jaemin-ah… I don’t think your parents would like me…_

_What do you mean? You’re our neighbour!_ Who wouldn’t like their neighbours?

_They didn’t like my parents…_

_Don’t be silly Jeno-hyung! I saw them on the first day we came here!_

_Jaemin. They slammed the door on my parents without saying anything. Your parents don’t like us._ Jaemin then noticed Jeno’s stone cold face, that’s what made him afraid.

_I’m sorry Jeno! I didn’t know!_ Stupid. Stupid he was. He shouldn’t have assumed anything. Shouldn’t have assumed that his parents were nice people. But they were his parents. He has to live with them. He didn’t know his parents could be so… rude.

Jeno wrote for what felt like hours before revealing the message to Jaemin.

_Can’t you come around to my house someday? Instead of me going to yours? I think my parents will like you._

Oh.

_I didn’t even think of that! Jeno you’re so smart! I’ll come around as soon as I can!_ How could he be so foolish? Never in the past five years did he think of going to Jeno’s house instead of the other way around, not even once. He felt embarrassed, drowning in humiliation.

A few days later, Jaemin’s parents were out of the house for dinner with a client. Jaemin took the opportunity and rushed to knock at Jeno’s front door. When the door opened, he saw a young lady, who he thought was Jeno’s mother, but it was actually his sister. Jeno never told him about his sister but oh well, better late than never. He introduced himself as Jeno’s friend and she let him in with a warm smile.

Jaemin slowly came to meet the rest of Jeno’s family, his father, his mother, and another cat that they adopted called Seol-ie. The atmosphere felt so warm, he never felt such familial love in his life. He held her in his lap as he waited for Jeno to come downstairs. Seol-ie radiated warmth and it felt really nice to stroke her fur… maybe Jaemin can understand Jeno’s obsession just a bit.

He heard footsteps rush down the stairs and then there Jeno was, right in front of him, with Bongshik in his arms, sneezing with red eyes.

“Jeno-hyung!” Jaemin stood up, with Seol-ie still in his hold, and smiled the biggest smile he could muster at Jeno. Jeno didn’t say anything, but he smiled back. Jaemin’s heart was elated, he didn’t want this moment to end.

“Why don’t the two of you go upstairs?” Jeno’s mother told the two of them but made a weird hand motion to Jeno. They raced up the stairs, Jeno leading Jaemin to his bedroom.

It was bare, to say the least, there was a worn bed, small desk and wardrobe but that’s about it. Jaemin had a faint idea of what Jeno’s living situation was, but he didn’t know it was that bad. He noticed the cracks in the wall and the faded yellow wallpaper that was peeling off of it.

“Has it always been like this?” Jaemin asked as he looked around. If the house is in the state that it is, Jeno probably isn’t fortunate to even have a phone as the rest do. He looked back at Jeno when he didn’t get an answer, only to find Jeno stroking Bongshik, not even paying attention to him. “Jeno-hyung?” Nothing. Jaemin stood there, confused, was Jeno ignoring him on purpose?

He tapped Jeno on the shoulder, which elicited a response then, Jeno stared at him.

“Could you answer me?” Jeno’s face went pale, “Jeno-hyung?” Seol-ie leapt out of Jaemin’s arms then, sensing the atmosphere was thick and heavy. Jeno let Bongshik out of his arms gently and grabbed the whiteboard that Jaemin got him. The two of them squeezed onto the bed as Jeno wrote. Jaemin only got more confused as Jeno finished the sentence.

_I can’t hear anything, I have permanent deafness._

Jaemin snatched the board out of Jeno’s hands and wrote yet another question.

_Why didn’t you tell me?_ Jaemin felt so betrayed, Jeno didn’t tell him one of the most important things. He didn’t tell Jaemin he was deaf, what kind of friend does that?

_It wasn’t important._

_It is! It’s very important!_

_Well, I didn’t want you to think less of me._ Think less of him? What was he talking about? Why would Jaemin think less of him? Why would he think less of his own friend? Jeno saw Jaemin’s puzzled expression and gave him one of melancholy. _You don’t understand, do you?_ Jaemin shook his head.

_Tell me. Make me understand._ Jaemin looked at Jeno, his eyes searching for any kind of pain, but if there was any, Jeno didn’t show it.

_Another day._ Jaemin realised that Jeno must have gone through so much. He realised just how little he knew of him, even though he knew him for five years.

They were thirteen. Jaemin found a new respect for Jeno, and decided then that he’ll be his friend for life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I watched NCT Dream best friend edits and let me tell you, I am crying. The amount of sadness I feel is crushing me. Like how? Why?


	7. Determination and Distrust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeno can't seem to figure Jaemin out.

Jaemin went over to Jeno’s house at any time he could, he became glued to Jeno, and he even started learning the hand motions to talk to him, sign language as it was called. Jeno appreciated his effort so much, he never had a friend like that. He never had any friends at all other than Jaemin.

But he was kind of hesitant to let Jaemin walk him to and from school.

You see, Jeno went to a special needs school because of his deafness, so while he appreciated that Jaemin wanted to spend more time with him, he couldn’t help but think that Jaemin would judge him. Even though he knew Jaemin wasn’t like that, wasn’t like the other kids.

Jaemin walked with him anyway.

He had caught Jeno on a school morning when he had left his house a bit late. Jaemin usually leaves at 8:15 because he likes being early, but he’ll wait another 15 minutes just to walk with Jeno.

As time went by, instead of their usual morning whiteboard conversation, they chose to leave that for when they walked together instead. Since Jaemin still hadn’t fully grasped the nuances of sign language, they used Jaemin’s phone to communicate via a notebook app. While one person was typing, the other would guide the two of them to make sure they didn’t bump into any other pedestrians. It was tough for Jeno to type with one hand while Jaemin held his other one to guide but he could manage, he had to.

~

The first time they walked to Jeno’s school together he felt extremely worried, what if Jaemin thinks it’s stupid? What if Jaemin doesn’t like it? What if Jaemin treats him differently?

But Jaemin didn’t do any of that. He looked at the school with awe and asked him: _This is for the special people? This is so cool!_

_It is?_

_Yeah! Definitely! It’s nice that they have a place just to help the ones who are less abled._ Jeno felt so lucky at that moment to have someone like Jaemin.

_Yeah, it really is._ The two of them grinned at each other, Jeno liked how sincerely Jaemin seemed to smile around him. Jaemin was a beacon of joy to him, so he was glad that he seemed to be something like that to him as well.

Jaemin lightly tapped his shoulder. _Sorry, I have to go. I’ll walk you home at 4?_

_Sounds great!_

_Haha very funny, Jenojam._ With that Jaemin walked on, having left Jeno behind at the school entrance.

~

But the problem of always being in your own thoughts is that it becomes too much to handle way too easily. Too easy to drift into a black hole of misery.

It was never easy for Jeno to say when he felt uncomfortable, mostly because he just couldn’t. People wouldn’t give him the time of day either, but Jaemin did. Over the past year, Jaemin always paid attention to him, he doesn’t know why, but it became so much of a habit that Jaemin kind of knew when there would be something wrong.

Jeno was waiting for Jaemin by the school entrance, it was 4:05, as the school’s clock read, Jaemin was never late.

He saw Jaemin walk up the school path to where he sat, with two figures beside him. With his phone, Jaemin introduced them, the shorter one with blonde hair was called Chenle and the one with caramel hair was called Donghyuck. As they walked together, Jeno couldn’t help but feel more and more insecure. For one thing, his school didn’t have a dress code, unlike Jaemin’s school who had classy looking uniforms. It didn’t bother him when it was just him and Jaemin, but with the other two boys, he felt out of place. Like he should be somewhere else, and he probably should. He didn’t belong.

There was also the fact that Donghyuck and Chenle kept talking, and didn’t seem to care that Jeno was deaf, either that or they didn’t know. But if they saw Jaemin introduce them to him through his phone with no questions, they must have known something? Jeno really couldn’t wrap his head around it. What’s worse was that Jaemin didn’t talk to him at all throughout the walk home, instead he had settled to converse with Donghyuck and Chenle, not him.

Not him.

Never him.

He was never Jaemin’s first choice.

They were fourteen. To Jeno, Jaemin was an enigma, an enigma that could destroy him. He won’t let that happen.


	8. Misunderstanding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaemin just wanted to help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not really proof-read. Sorry.

Jaemin was always a charitable person, ever since he was young. Surprisingly, as he grew up, he didn’t become like his parents, but was a humble generous young man. Whenever people on the street would walk around holding buckets for donations, he would put in more than just petty change. He would carry extra cash with him just to donate it away. He would gladly volunteer for various causes but his parents were on the fence with that, saying that Jaemin could use that time for something more beneficial.

He was searching the internet on his phone when he found through an article that Jeno’s school was low in funding, so low that they started to lay off staff. It devastated him that no one would fund for something that helps other people. So, he went up to his father’s study and asked for some of his time.

“What is it, son?” Jaemin’s father looked busy behind his desk, the wall-length window was behind him, which made it almost impossible for Jaemin to see his father’s face. It was an absolutely menacing image, but Jaemin could just about see the tiredness plastered on his father’s expression. That’s what made it a little less scary.

“I found this school that is low on funding… it’s a special needs school that helps disabled children learn to the best of their ability.”

“Jaemin, you know that’s not what I tend to invest in…”

“Dad, please? This would be good for your reputation too! You know how people are more swayed by Mr Kim because he helped so many people. He’s charitable too! He donates to charities which only creates more traction for him. Even his sons are charitable!” What Jaemin said was true, Mr Kim was always a rival for his father, but Jaemin would never admit that he himself was actually on good terms with the two sons, Jungwoo and Dongyoung.

“Alright, but just this once.”

“Yes! Thank you, dad!” Jaemin proceeded to tell his father the name of Jeno’s school, and within five minutes, Jaemin’s father became one of the school’s main guarantors.

It was the week after when Jaemin was walking Jeno back home that things took a turn.

_Jaemin I need to ask you something._

_Yeah what is it Jeno-hyung?_ When Jaemin showed Jeno the message, Jeno stopped walking and let go of Jaemin’s hand. Jaemin felt… weird. The emptiness in his hand made him feel uneasy, he had grown accustomed to holding Jeno’s hand.

_Am I just some sort of charity case for you, Na Jaemin? Did you take pity on me? You did, didn’t you?_ Jaemin attempted to snatch the phone off of Jeno’s hands but Jeno held on:

_GO ON! SAY YES! SAY THAT YOU THINK OF ME AS BAGGAGE, THAT YOU WERE ONLY MY FRIEND BECAUSE I AM YOUR NEIGHBOUR. BECAUSE WE GREW UP TOGETHER YOU THINK YOU HAVE TO STAY WITH ME, WELL I’M TELLING YOU THAT YOU DON’T! YOU DON’T HAVE TO STAY WITH ME! YOU CAN LEAVE FOR ALL I CARE!_

Jaemin was dumbfounded. When did Jeno think these things? When did Jeno… change?

Jaemin grabbed his phone after Jeno’s rant, running away with tears flowing down his cheeks. He couldn’t hold it in, he never thought this would happen. He didn’t know that Jeno had felt this way for however long, he felt so guilty, so…

Unworthy.

He felt unworthy.

Unworthy of Jeno, he hurt him after all.

He didn’t even greet his parents when he returned home. Instead, he ran into his room, pulling the almost permanently open shutters down before slamming himself onto his bed, crying away.

Because they were fifteen, and Jaemin thought that their friendship would last.


	9. Pact

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donghyuck and Chenle stage an intervention.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update, been feeling kinda down and unmotivated to write but the comments helped me stay positive!
> 
> "eventually scraping it and rewriting it over and over." basically me with this chapter hahaha
> 
> There are 2 (two) swear words uttered in this so... kids don't taint your eyes.

For the past six months, Jeno was suffering. As soon as he had gotten home he had tried to apologise, only to be greeted with the shutters already down. Jaemin had put up the barrier. Jeno had been so used to the shutters being open he had kept his old curtains open too as if they were sharing each other’s lives together. Well, they were, not any more.

He thought he would’ve been okay without Jaemin. He wasn’t. His worst fear had come true, he became too attached to Jaemin, who was the sun in his dark solar system.

But he had ruined it, ruined their friendship, and he had grown to accept it, accept that Jaemin probably hated him now.

It was a warm summer afternoon and Jeno was scribbling on his whiteboard, writing his apology message to Jaemin, eventually scraping it and rewriting it over and over. He was too afraid to just walk up to his house and knock because he didn’t want to face Jaemin directly, oh no he would hate that, and even if he did have the courage he could be rejected.

Just like his parents were all those years ago.

He had felt a tap on his shoulder, and there stood his mother, who signed to him: _There are people here to see you, dear._ She left the room and to replace her were two familiar figures, one shorter than the other.

Jeno was faced with the mildly annoyed Donghyuck and Chenle. Donghyuck whipped out his phone and texted furiously, then shoved the finished message in Jeno’s face.

_Sorry for swearing, but what the fuck happened between you and Jaemin????_ Jeno felt shivers pass throughout his entire body.

Chenle was gentler; _Jeno-hyung… Jaeminnie has been acting off for so long, at first we thought it would pass, but it didn’t._

_Yeah, that dumbass always had red puffy eyes, but he doesn’t get hay fever!_ Chenle looked at Donghyuck, with a face that told him to shut up.

_Anyway… we asked him what was wrong yesterday because we were, to put it lightly, tired of his shit._

Donghyuck added to what Chenle wrote: _Guess who his dramatic ass was crying about?_ Was Jaemin crying about him? Why? Jeno was the one that screwed up, he should be crying.

He did cry.

He cried until there were no more tears to shed.

Until his whole soul was wasted away, until he was nothing more than a living husk, living day to day, waiting for his own demise.

His outburst at Jaemin had eaten him up inside, he had never seen Jaemin cry all these years and once he did, his heart shattered. He had never meant to hurt Jaemin, in fact, he thought that Jaemin would hurt him. But he was blind to see how Jaemin cared for him because all he knew outside of his own home was hatred and greed. He didn’t think people like Jaemin truly existed in the outside world.

Jeno typed into Donghyuck’s phone. _So what are you trying to do? Are you gonna drag me to his house and make me apologise?_ The other two looked at each other with an unreadable expression before Chenle answered Jeno’s question.

_Not exactly… we may have dragged him to you instead._ Jeno’s eyes blew wide, THEY MAY HAVE WHAT?

That’s when someone smothered him into a hug. Jeno could feel something wet on his shoulder, and when the perpetrator looked up, Jeno felt that time had stopped.

Jaemin was staring up at him, with the most torn facial expression Jeno had ever seen.

Jaemin straightened up, and said something to Donghyuck and Chenle, probably for them to leave because that’s what they did. Jeno was surprised when Jaemin signed to him: _Hey, I’m sorry for whatever I did._

_Wait you know sign language?_

_Yeah? I mean I’ve been trying to learn it pretty hard-core since like three years ago._

_That’s…_ Jeno paused _very nice of you, I knew you were trying to learn it but I didn’t think you would…_

_Follow through? Jeno, who do you think I am?_

_Okay, to be honest when we were younger you were really sincere and all that but, I thought you changed recently…_

_Changed? I think the one who’s changed was you, Jeno._

_Was it? You mean you haven’t changed in the slightest? Jaemin, you ignored me for Donghyuck and Chenle whenever they were around!_

_Jeno, I talked to Donghyuck and Chenle because it was about stuff unrelated to you, stop being so self-centred and get off that high horse. You didn’t need to know anything they said._

_You have a point but it still doesn’t hide the fact that I felt left out._

_Well, I apologise for that okay?_

_Do you hate me?_

_What? No, I would never. Never in a billion years. I mean it when I say that I like being friends with you._

_“Say”_

_Jenojam will be the death of me, stop making those jokes._

_If anything I should be the one that’s offended but those days were gone before we met._

_Oh, that’s good- Wait what?_

Jaemin sat down on the bed and yet another cat crawled into the room, settling herself on his lap. He listened whilst Jeno explained everything to him. How his parents decided not to put Jeno up for adoption but kept him instead. How his parents had to sacrifice so much for Jeno to get an education, and even then Jeno got bullied at the special needs school.

_There’s something else…_

_What is it, hyung?_

_I figured out why your parents hate mine._

_Okay?_

_You know how your dad invests in businesses?_ Jaemin nodded. _Well… my dad had a business, just a small one, and your dad invested in it… but when I was born your dad stopped investing. Dad’s business collapsed and he’s been working odd jobs ever since._ Jaemin couldn’t believe it, his dad was that cold-hearted… _I’m so sorry Jaemin…_

Jeno was crying, Jaemin understood that Jeno must’ve felt so bad for his parents, that they willingly chose a harder life so they could take care of their son. That all of the inconveniences stemmed from Jeno’s existence. Jaemin wrapped his arms around Jeno in a tight hug, and they stayed like that for a while.

When Jaemin pulled himself away, cupping his hands on Jeno’s feverishly warm cheeks and using his thumbs to wipe the tears away, Jeno demanded; _Promise me that we’ll stay together._

_Jeno-hyung, I swore that to myself years ago._

They were sixteen. Jaemin still thought the world of Jeno as he had been all these years, and Jeno couldn’t help but think he needed Jaemin in his life.


	10. Christmas in July

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Jeno receives a gift, and begins to realise a change in the way he feels around his friend.

Jeno was still healing from the fight, he knows he can trust Jaemin it’s just that… arguing with a friend that you’ve known for more than half your life can do such tremendous damage. Especially if said friend makes you feel very… special? He doesn't know the right word to describe the feeling.

It was a day in the middle of summer, July to be exact, Jaemin was away in America for all of it with his parents, and he wouldn’t be back until late August, just before school started. Jeno missed him dearly but had a tiny bit of happiness when he had gotten a package that was for him, it was from Jaemin. There was another box and a letter inside:

_To Jenojam,_

_It’s me, Nana! I saw these matching bracelets and they were called “Friendship bracelets” you know, for friends! I thought about our friendship and what we’ve been through and I think we should wear these to remind ourselves of each other! It’s fine if you don’t want to though, I just thought it was a cute idea!_

_Also! In America they write their first names first and then their last names, how weird is that? Imagine calling yourself Jeno Lee or me calling myself Jaemin Na. AHAHA it’s funny to think about that._

_I hope you’re feeling okay while I’m away, I miss you a lot. Please drink enough water, two litres a day! Don’t stay inside all the time because I’m not there, be sure to go outside, hang out with Donghyuck and Chenle if you would like! Don’t play with Bongshik, Seol-ie, or Lal-ie too much or else you’ll sneeze to death! Ah! There are so many more things I need to remind you of but I can’t think right now so this will do! I can’t wait to see you when I get back!_

_From your best friend,_

_(Na)Na Jaemin_

Jeno felt warm after reading Jaemin’s letter, that’s what he loved about Jaemin, how much he cares for other people, he wished he had noticed that quality of his sooner. He opened the box the letter came with and inside was a small bracelet. It was beautiful but simplistic, three slim leather bands were braided with clasped ends to create the bracelet and a single bead charm in the middle, the bead having a swirl of lavender, lilac and a deep violet inside of it. It looked like the charm was looped into one of the leather bands before the rest of the bracelet was braided together. It was mesmerising. He didn’t hesitate to put it on his left wrist.

~

It was the day after Jaemin came back, he was up in Jeno’s room. Jaemin burst through Jeno’s bedroom door, enveloping Jeno in a suffocating embrace. Before Jeno could wrap his arms around Jaemin he had already let go. Jeno instantly missed the contact.

_Hyung! I missed you!_ Jaemin had that signature smile on his face, it hasn’t changed since they were kids.

_I missed you too Nana._

_Hey! Sign it like you mean it!_ Jaemin pouted at Jeno, he almost blushed because of how cute Jaemin looked, when did he start noticing these things? When did he start having these feelings?

_“Sign it like you mean it” doesn’t make sense!_

_I avoided “say” because I knew you would joke about it, you always do!_

_You know me too well Nana!_ Jeno playfully smacked Jaemin in the arm, which he responded by acting as if it really hurt, before both of them burst into wide smiles and laughter.

They were seventeen. Jeno noticed more things about Jaemin every single day, and his heart grew softer and fonder for his best friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to write this as a chapter where Jeno gets hearing aids but those don't actually help those who are born deaf like Jeno is so I didn't write it, I was going to have Jeno hear Jaemin's laugh for the first time and have things go on from there but that wouldn't work realistically so here is the laugh: https://www.instagram.com/p/BxtUiPGHrEm/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link


	11. Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaemin and Jeno attend a house party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I want to say that it's been fun writing this, I can't believe I wrote and finished an entire work in a week...
> 
> Please enjoy this chapter!

Jaemin thinks more with his heart than his mind, so he knew he liked Jeno more than just a friend for all these years. He doesn’t know when it started or why it’s Jeno but that doesn’t really matter now, he loves him and that’s it.

“NA JAEMIN!!” He was shaken out of his trance by Donghyuck who was shouting at him, clearly annoyed.

“YAH! What are you doing??”

“Stop thinking about Jeno-hyung, he isn’t even with us today!” Chenle gave an amused look to Jaemin, they were hanging out on a Saturday in one of the parks in town.

“Alright alright! What were you saying?”

“We should definitely go to the party Jaehyun-hyung is hosting! It’ll be so much fun!” Donghyuck bounced up and down, he was always a wild one. “You can bring your soulmate too, show him a good time!”

“Donghyuck! As if getting blackout drunk is having a good time!” He nudged Donghyuck hard whilst Chenle laughed hysterically. A hurtful gasp was heard as Donghyuck rubbed the side of his torso in mock agony.

“Come on Jaeminnie! Let’s be reckless! We’ll only be teenagers for a couple more years!” Chenle pleaded, clinging onto Jaemin’s arm, he sighed.

“Fine, I’ll ask him! But if Jeno-hyung doesn’t want to go then I won’t show up either!”

~

_That sounds like fun!_ Drat! Why does everyone like ruining their bodies with alcohol?

_Are you sure, hyung? You don’t have to go, you’ll probably be uncomfortable!_

_But I wanna go! It sounds like a lot of fun! Please~_

_I can’t say no to you, can I?_

_Yes!_ Jeno pumped his fist in the air, and Jaemin noticed the purple charm dangling from Jeno's wrist, the same one that he had on his right hand.

~

Jaemin had only been in the house for an hour and already had at least two solo cups of Smirnoff Ice, which is basically juice, but it was the only alcoholic concoction he could tolerate because, man, does he hate the taste of alcohol. He was also a lightweight, it was his first time partying after all, and he never drank before. He also had some sort of cider and three (maybe?) shots of Cactus Jacks, which are deadly if sipped… he had to learn that the hard way. Jaehyun, like any responsible host, told him to sit down after the third (or fourth?) shot of Cactus Jacks.

“You do know that has 15% ABV right? You should go sit down before you knock yourself out with more.”

Jaemin is so drunk he can’t even walk straight, he bumps into someone, toppling the both of them over onto the empty couch he was trying to walk towards. When he lifts his head to apologise he finds his face is unbearably close to none other than Jeno, whose face is a deep crimson… he doesn’t remember Jeno drinking any alcohol though.

Being drunk messes with your head quite a bit, it liberates you to do things that you wouldn’t normally do when sober. That being said, anyone that has done something stupid while drunk has probably thought about doing it while sober but never really had the courage to do so.

That’s the case when Jaemin pulls Jeno by the collar and smashes their lips together. He feels euphoric before Jeno pushes him away, and Jaemin is left there stunned with a tingling feeling on his lips.

Jeno squirms free from under Jaemin and flees to the nearest hallway, Jaemin stumbling over to the general direction of where Jeno disappeared, wanting an answer. He hadn’t spent these past ten years trying to get close to him only to have their friendship dissolve. He won’t let it. At least, his drunk self won’t.

Jaemin pulls out his phone and grabs Jeno by the hand to show him a picture, it was the painting of Bongshik he did when he was eleven, and he had found it in his stack of paintings, taking a photo to remember it. He begins to write on it with very messy, but still kind of legible, handwriting:

_You remind me of a cat you know! I think the cat is your spirit animal!_ Jeno silently giggles, which makes Jaemin smile wide and giggle loudly in response.

He picks out another picture, this time it’s of the two of them when they were thirteen years old and Jaemin had first found out about Jeno’s deafness. He remembers that Jeno’s mother had taken the photo, with a loving smile on her face, while they were petting Bongshik and Seol-ie. It was the first photo that was on Jaemin’s phone, and it was by far his favourite. The two boys stared at the photo with an air of happiness. Jaemin writes on the photo again:

_I!! Love!! You!!_

Jeno takes the phone into his own hands with an eye smile stuck on his face, he opens up the camera app and holds Jaemin’s right hand with his left, taking a photo of their matching bracelets. Jeno then writes something onto the newly captured picture and lets the drunk boy read it:

_I love you too!_

Jaemin starts to feel the same way he did when Jeno first wrote to him at nine years old.

Because they are eighteen. Actions speak louder than words, and pictures are worth a thousand words. But to Jeno and Jaemin, those that are written from the heart are always more thoughtful, and definitely more precious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel so sad that this is over ;(
> 
> Also, that excerpt of having 3 shots of Cactus Jacks and Smirnoff Ice is personal experience from my first house party like... near the end of May? I wasn't blackout drunk mind you but I felt quite a bit tipsy, thanks to someone responsible making me drink water. Thankfully I didn't sip the Cactus Jacks that was someone else. But never again. House party heart-to-hearts are nice though.

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to leave comments on what you think! They make me really happy!


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